Having had a fish and chip supper I feel like spouting on a bit about some ancient history. I thought starting with Marduk might be a good place.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marduk
Well obviously Abraham came from Ur and would have been very well aquainted with all the historama of the Gods of his land. This is why I don't find it surprising that the Golden Calf emerged from the fire at Sinai. It was a deep rooted subliminal memory of the Golden Astral Calf that emerged from their collective subconcious. God would have to let them see it to remember it, and then allow the process of rehabilitation to work it's way through the collective psyche of his chosen people in order to work a salvation for them.

This is the fish and chip version, so it's not going to be long.

Bear in mind that the Mesopotamian Gods were a lazy lot and expected humanity to work their buts off so they got an easy life. Abraham was called by the one true God to leave and make a journey to a land he was shown. Which he was shown. Then there is the bit in between up until the sacking of the Second Temple, was it AD 72, or AD74? It definately wasn't AD73!

Meanwhile this guy Jesus had already been seen off by all parties, John the Baptist actually being the cruicial witness, working on the basis of 'it takes one to know one'.
Who is greater the object person or the person who recognises the person?

That's the old mirror trick at work again. (I sometimes look in the mirror and think 'you look awful in that mirror', and then laugh because I don't feel awful!) I think 'that's my alter ego trying to piss me off'! It helps if you are barking mad already..... ha!

Anyway the Greeks were pretty good at pinching everyone elses Gods, what if this statue of the God Marduk had somehow found its way to Greece, and the story of Paul encouraging the Greeks to name Jesus as the name of the 'Unknown God'? This is why I have always been suspicious of Paul. To have considered such blatant idolatory as a Roman Jew with a full Jewish background would be unthinkable.

This verse is from Acts 17 v23. Within the passage it makes sense, however even unwittingly Paul has annexed this 'unknown God' statue into the Jesus story. Along possibly with the pantheon of Mesopotamian Gods and their historical abuse.

I am not entirely sure that the idea of Jesus being 'Christ' consciousness comes from judaic thought either, it seems more aligned with Buddist thinking. I am more concenrned that I have been accepting a christian doctrine based on identity theft of a genuine person, who in his life and the teachings I found in the Gospels led me back to the old testament, and made more sense to me by far in a modern Jewish commentary by Avivah Gotlieb Zeinberg.

That's why I don't think Paul could have been Jewish. I think he might have more likely been Asian/Turkish in his lineage. I also did a lot of research years ago and came up with loads of connections to the Herodeans by marriage for him. I might still have the links on my favorites page or in a folder somewhere. Paul definately bogged off to a sect in Persia for about three years after the Damascus thing from what I managed to put together.

So is the rest of the Bible a fabrication? No, I think the New Testament minus Paul's 'new doctrine for the church' and this character manipulation and identity theft business with the statue is, good stuff. I would also keep all of the original texts that we call the 'Old Testament'. This all 'adds up' for me.

I believe Jesus died for me, so that I might find a hotline relationship with God. One that doesn't need a mediator, and one that I can enter into without shame, reluctance, or any other reservation. God seems pretty reasonable to me. I get out of my relationship with him more than I put in, because He is God and He/She is infinate. I am not.

I am saved, and I know it. I am saved from making choices based on other peoples ideas and doctrines, and I am saved to thinking for myself, taking responsibility for myself, and doing something useful. Hopefully this is it, because I can't seem to find anything else to do right now.

I am especially saved tonight from watching the 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' drivvel my Husband is watching on TV downstairs!

I have aleady said what I think about Jesus. The funny thing is, here in our Jersey Parishes we call Jesus 'St Saviour'. I like this, because Jesus never made any direct claim to be the 'Son of God'. Others recognised this of Him, but he never said it outright, except for the woman at the well.

That woman could have been me. I was a very lost person until I asked Jesus to show me the way.

I wonder what the Christian Church would look like without Pauline Theology?

Right time for a cuppa and a roll up, yup... I am saved also from giving up smoking! It probably doesn't make my wheezy asthema any better, but I am sure not going to give up smoking all the while there is so much antagonism towards those of us who like a smoke. Anyway, we are less likely to get stomach cancer!

Sweet dreams, and a very blessed day tomorrow. I am thinking of all the OWS and similar movements all over the world having to keep warm in these colder days. Perhaps we could just dump all the cold weather on the bad guys and have a white out where people need to mend their ways? Better start a prayer chain for it, and all the other good things we need on this planet.

Sleep well, God bless everyone.

I decided to whack a bit of extra orange into the kind of E shape on the left hand top corner, I thought it might do something interesting to a real time simulation, well its a bit delayed simulation.

It did, so I decided I would go take some of the orange off, because I might have put a bit too much on all at once. Interesting. It needed a little bit, so I went back and put a very light wash on it. It seems a very fine, but rather delicate balance right now. Bit like which wire to cut moment!

I have been having trouble getting this site to load up and edit, as I took a picture of my picture and wanted to upload it for anyone interested. Still I have only had two visitors today according to stats, so as they have already been, it can wait until tomorrow, or the day after...

Well that's me for today. My little picture has progressed quite nicely. I can't get it to come together at the moment, I have a sneaky suspicion that everyone needs to back down and come to some resolutions tonight. I am sure Mr Assad is genuinely going to put reforms in place, but following the carnage in Libya it seems unwise to carve up another country in such a vunerable geo location. If the Americans agree that they will move all their scrap out of the neighbourhood, along with any merecenaries they have been funding I am sure everything will get back to 'normal' very quickly.

I suppose there is a possibility the God might relocate the Americans to the south pole in the next 12 hours if they don't, now that would be fun! I wonder who gets the north pole then. Hmmm, would that be the Chinese?

Yup I am definately feeling very random, and probably as high as a kite. I feel ok though. Must go and take the tablets...

I might just get Avivah's book finished this evening, however I do feel qute sleepy. I am going to a book launch tomorrow for a local Iconographer who has just made an Icon for each of our Twelve Parish Churches. It has been an enormous project for her this year, I am hoping I can talk her into giving me some lessons tomorrow.

It's a pity the Americans took religeous education out of their school curriculum. Our clergy are allowed to lead services at assemblies. No wonder the Americans forgot to be God fearing. They started worshipping their own 'American Dream' and forgot that a land built on pyramid schemes is one of make believe and slavery. That's why Moses led the Israelites away from Egypt.

I trust God implicitly. He will sort things out according to his plan. If that makes me sound like a lunatic, then the strong tower I run into is the name of the Lord.

May God Bless and keep every one of his Seven Million Babies safe, and give hope and freedom to each one, so that they may find their way to Him. May those who have oppressed others, and scorned them when they were ill, mis-treated or hated someone else be truly forgiven tonight, and may those who have suffered find it in their hearts to forgive. Not one has been lost by God, He knows the names of each of us. If he turned me from my path of undoing, and changed me as a person, then He can change anyone.

Sweet dreams, and may this world become a wonderful place for every one of us, where we value each other more than we value the possessions that do not build up our hope and love, we need room for a lot of faiths, in truth we all share the same Spirit.

You name it they all poo! They all make good ice cream. And you can make good ice cream from CO2!
Which is of course a by product of methane production. Now in my book, that snowball in hell - AKA a ski slope in Kuwait is easier to run on camel poo than on oil!

Anyway aunty is settling in to her new home. She told me today she is happier. The staff said she has a good apppetite. Now don't get me wrong, we have never been able to get her to eat... how did they manage to get her to eat i will never know!

One of my own personal charge nurses is on the ward. He is the most beautiful, kind, and breathtaking people I have met. He switched from the 'side' I visited around 2004 ish. That was my episode with the Neutron bombs. He just talked me through the whole thing, so I think He is an angel. He hasn't aged. I only saw him today, and couldn't help giving him the biggest hug. He is a lifesaver. I couldn't stop myself crying to think he is looking after aunty as well. We can be angels clothed in human flesh if we let God into our lives.

Well the best thing the our cousins in Libya can do is carry on partying for a while. The west would like to see the infrastructure re-built with western money, but heh, take your time before you decide who to get in to bed with. In my book it's a marriage once the act is begun!

If you guys want an economy based on camel power, who are we to argue!

The media is portraying Libya as unable to re-instate the infrastructure, so perhaps you guys can get some footage out via OWS or something to show differently. Don't forget you got bombed shit out of, and your whole infrastructure is fracked, and NATO was only supposed to be operating a no-fly zone, not bombing anything. Why not ask for war damages!

And if you don't want to drill any more oil wells, you don't have to. We will all be changing the technology very soon anyway, so don't get used like some prostitute, and then cast aside. Demand the latest technology updates as replacement infrastructure. Heck, you have the weather to power half the national grid of europe off solar energy!

Over this weekend my husband's aunty of 94 has been moved to our St Saviour's Hospital for assessment. It's a difficult time, but made so much easier to see her so well cared for. How well our hospital services are giving us support for aunty. We could not ask for more caring people with the heart and dedication to entrust care for aunty, and love for what they do.

My Husband's aunt looked after her half brother all his life until she was 84, and physically had to be restrained from doing any more. Her own health had deteriorated, and she was not going to give up what she was committed to doing for her brother, (my Husbands uncle by his Father's second marriage) without us making this decision for Her. My Husband's Uncle only spoke Jersey French, and we could not speak it so we were unable to communicate. He loved us like a child who never grew up. Her own mother died when she was a child.

My husband's aunty was asked by her father to care for uncle, and she would not give up this commision. Uncle was doubly incontinent after recovering from encephalitis during the war occupation when medicines were not available. Three months later the drugs would have been on the island. Aunty didn't even go to her Father's own funeral, as there was no-one else to look after her brother. We will never know what sacrifices this great lady has made. She has not married, or sought recognition. She has never complained. She is still as warm and strong and vital within herself as she ever has been.

Now her mind is wandering, and her conversation does not make sense in a 'joined up world'. I sat and listened to her murmers and thoughts that can't make sense of this new place she is in. So long as she knows we are coming tomorrow she has a desire to see us. A will to be there to see us. Her body is almost gone, Her mind wandering to church services she found to be the moment's of truth and sustanance for her spirit to continue her work. She is speaking of her own mother and her father visiting her in her dreams. She is sleeping and dreaming.

It pains me that I want to hold her hands, and she finds me cold to touch. She is so warm and vital. I am cold to her senses.
I would be an iceberg in hell itself I am always cold in a furnace. The temperature in the ward is in the 80s and everyone complaing of not being able to stand it, and I am cold. My heart aches to give her physical comfort of a hug and hold her hands. We manage to hold on to each other long enough not to feel the differences, and then she says I am so much like 'the other one' that we can't be 'told apart'. I wonder what she means. She keeps speaking about finally knowing the truth.

If there is a saint in the world today it is this lady. This great and wonderful lady, who is full of warmth and self sacrifice. This person who has never been more than a tiny fragment, who nearly died at birth, who has never been valued, who has never asked for anything. I can't bear to lose my friend. Yet we all have our time. This treasured person, like so many the world will never know is my heroine. The world will be so empty without her, her smile, her delight at our visits. The best joy for her is to see my husband. If he had died she would have been destroyed. She has lived her life in the hope of wonderful things for the next generation. We have so much to live up to, to serve this lady, her sacrifices, her memories, her ultimate generosity of spirit.

We don't know what the days ahead will bring, if she will decide to continue, or choose this blessed sleep we call death.

What I do know is that death is no final ending, it is a new beginning that is beyond our understanding. For aunty and I know the sweetness of rest, and that our bones may lay down and become one with the earth but our spirits soar beyond any comprehension we have of this earthly life.

And so it should be. To find the security of deep and abiding trust in God, is His gift to a humble and broken heart.

Wow. I feel like this one gives me a snapshot of history in the last 2000 years! I had to look up the word apotheosis. Thanks to the internet, saves a lot of time, as my dictionary  doesn't expand this sufficiently.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apotheosis

Right, so here we are. We have Jesus deified as the memory of 'Sinai' for us gentiles, and then the problem of not turning up. We then go into 'Golden Calf' mode in exactly the same manner as the Israelites did when Moses was 24 hours late turning up! Yup we are still waiting!

If it wasn't tragic it would be funny.

The problem for me has always been that the doctrine I have been taught, doesn't actually explain what I hear Jesus saying in the Gospels. I understood from the Gospels that by allowing Jesus to be the 'entry point' to understanding the whole Bible, (as a Gentile), that the possibility was there for anyone to both come to terms with themself/Jesus, and then to be able to approach God from a new way of being both at one with yourself, and at 'one-ness' with Both Jesus and God, as the 'inner and outer' reflection of God/Human relationship, within which we can find ourselves mirrored and magnified and diminished within. Yup took me a while to get my head round it.

I haven't a clue if this is someone else's theology, but everyone else seems to make it up as they go along, this is actually what I think and feel at the moment. This does not mean I might 'change my mind'. I might, I might not!

I hear Jesus saying that whatever I have done, you may do also. Having just read chapter 8, I would say that we have 'dressed Christ up', and then 'Dressed him Down'. Both in the narrative of the Bible Gospel accounts, and in our theology.

I have always had my suspicions about Paul of Tarsus. Who basically re-dressed the person of Jesus in a new robe of priesthood quite different from the 'seamless robe' that the Roman soldiers cast lots for.

I can recognise the person of Jesus as both the one who has acheived the crown of the Torah in his own day, and the person of Moses type who has still to return from the mountain today. That this return we expect and have waited so long for is really the awakening within ourselves of the real truth, that where this apotheosis occurs within divine relationship, there is the spirit of Christlikeness.

Looking at it this way then Paul was the antichrist. The antithesis of this aspect of divine gifting that Avivah describes on page 399. From 'Here, all Moses'... to (William Blake). It's a good thing I am living now, I would have got a bit crispy round the edges in the inquisition!

Paul eloquently describes and re-describes the message of the written Torah. We find nothing new in his writings from the old testament. As a Christian, I do not feel I have had access to the 'play' that Moses has generated as an adjunctive perspective that reads from the margins and spaces and brings a spacious interpretation of what is not actual in the written text but inhabits experiental engagement with it.

Um, I also realised that top of page 402, answers a lot of my own psychiatric nightmare. I don't need to describe it, but it is enough for me to know there is a perfectly good reason for me to be stark raving mad, and have always had a deep suspicion that something had shattered my personality. Yup, I was definately an accident waiting to happen too! Still, all is well that ends well. At least it's only taken 54 years to pretty well sort myself out! (It has taken a lot of effort from everybody, so other than taking the medicine, I can't claim any real sense of acheivement in this, just a relief that I managed to keep hanging in there, and that God never deserted me or my Husband).

Very challenging chapter, and that is just the first four and half pages. I might have this book finished by Christmas at this rate!

Us (real) Bi-Polar lot do get bad days. Yesterday was a 1-2. I haven't felt that bad for a long time, a few weeks anyway. Thank God He sees me through it. Mostly down to the building project. I prayed and got a great answer, a real sense of God stepping in.

It turned out to be an interesting evening yesterday, in that we had our first power cut for at least 4 years on the Island. We still don't know why the French grid went down, Gurnesey and a lot of Normandy lost power as well. Very romantic with candles. Lovely to have a chat with the neighbours, the children had never experienced a power cut. They loved it.

What was truly impressive and gets my vote of 5 star impressed-ness, is that our electricity company managed first to get a quick 10 minute burst up after a few minutes, then had our back-up power station fired up and operating in 45 minutes. All essential services got power first, and the Hospital backup generator kicked in perfectly. Well done you guys. How about some mini bio-stations on trickle feed then?

Well today I met my answer to prayer, a semi retired builder. We talked about the kitchen wall, and it was wonderful to have someone who talks 'can do'. The worst part of the wall is going to be removed, and I am taking his advice on his preference to use plywood to re-line the area, and then he is going to tile it for me. I am also going to hopefully end up with the cables behind the wall, and a flush light switch. (Surprising what makes me happy!)

He is also going to tidy up the kitchen, re-align any doors replace the plinth which is a bit scuffed and do a bit of new boxing to tidy up a scruffy corner boxing. He should be free to do this in a couple of weeks. He just seems the sort of real, honest to goodness, knows what he is doing and gets on with it sort of person that is so easy to work with. I am sure God must have felt like that with Noah!

Got the flooring measured up, for the kitchen and hall and stairwells, so will have it all done within the month.

This just makes me feel so much better, so I managed to do some work on a portrait I am doing of our friends Granddaughter. She is a pretty young thing, and I have realy enjoyed working on this today. I am even pleased with it! It is a gift, because we are using all their collated records to research our family history, and they realy went out of their way to help the Canadian cousins that visited recently.

My beloved Husband did his first meals on wheels run today, and loved it. I am going to do it with him next week, and then if we can work out another day when we swap cars, I will see if I can share a run with someone else. You do it on alternate weeks with another person, so you can cover for each other for holidays or sickness.

I don't know if other countries have meals on wheels. It's a volountary deliver a hot lunch to elderly people service. The food is cooked here by the Hospital service and volounteers go pick it up and deliver it. At the same time check the person is OK, and have a little chat with them. It means a lot more people can stay in their own homes rather than go into nursing homes. In many areas volounteers cook the food as well, especially in outlying comunities throughout the UK. We have been saying we will do this for ages, we got spured into action as there are a couple of chef's proming it in the UK. The new slogan is 'deliver a difference'. Brilliant work from the 'Hairy Bikers'!

I thought the Kaiser Report was a bit random this morning. Who on earth was the guy being interviewed? I remember when we had the Great Storm in 1987, (can't remember if that was before or after the '87 crash) I am not going to say which weather reader said 'no we are not gong to have a double whammy storm' as he did get it wrong big time. I just think the guy Max interviewed is either paid to keep his mouth shut, or he is living in la-la-land.

It is not ok to say you live in luxury and don't expect to be affected by what is happening to people with 'real' jobs. That was a disgusting comment. How many people does he walk past every day near where he lives that are realy struggling within the gridlock of personal debt, unable to get legiimate credit at a reasonable rate against income and assets, because everything is actually in such negative equity right now.

They are not even going to bother trying to re-structure the economies. Frankly I just can't see that being a solution. It is a gridlock, because if interest rates go up we will have instant negative equity on the property markets. The only collateral the banks have is property owned outright, and forclosures. What can you do with a 3 hotels on Park Lane and Mayfair if no-one left in the game has any money? .. .. .. You put the box away, and play another game tomorrow.

As Max pointed out with his little pink ball, if someone could buy it on e-bay for 20p, but a bank gets 20 million for it, it's still 20! Just that 1p of my real money is worth 1 million to a bank. Do you think they are going to let me borrow any of their 'Big Bang' money? (No point in calling it inflated, we are a Universe away from that already) 

Nope. They can't admit that while I have 1p in my pocket that belongs to me legitimately, I am one heck of a lot more solvent than they are! Hmmm I feel rich, I must have about £3, and a few coppers in cash.. .. .. think I might buy something big, like a whole country! Oh sorry that's what they are trying to do with Greece, actually for Greece I might even go as far as a fiver, I could check my jacket pockets I usually have a few bits of loose change somewhere.

Well that's enough lunacy for today. Sweet dreams everyone, dont let the stock markets get you down, it's only money, it used to grow on trees, now it gets delivered in shipping containers.

Anyway, another bit of mental excercise put to rest, I suddenly realised that 12.9735 inches is the answer to that old question 'how long is a bit of string'! It's my ball of string, and I can cut it where I like. Apart from bringing up a lot of exchange rate data, there is a nice bit about inversion curves if you type this into google. I am sure there is a predictable algorythm for exchange rates. In fact everything has it's 'peak moment'. Perhaps that is what that 'vision' of a frozen cap on that mountain was the other day. I know it sounds ridiculous but would fixing exchange rates worldwide, (for good) have the desired effect right now?

Himself spent most of yesterday morning trying to buy a bottle of Pectin in Jersey. He made some Sloe jelly, that He was dissapointed turned out like syrup... 'Did you put any apple juice in I asked'? 'No, I wanted Sloe jelly'. Well you need the apple pectin to make it set. 'But that would make it Apple and Sloe jelly' was the response.... 'What do you think Pectin is I asked'...? Hmmm... takes all sorts.

So this morning, on a prompt from Reb Jeff, I decided to suggest we had a nice day off. A picnic, and a dog walk.

'No, I need to buy some Pectin and sort out my jelly'... From Himself. Well I looked up how to make and concentrate apple pectin online, and gave him the recipe. 'Does it keep' I was asked... probably for a few days if you put a lemon juice in it and kept it in the fridge, besides why would you want to keep it, you are going to use it... no?

So we did manage to go for a picnic, a little walk, checked out to see if there were any ceps starting in the secret places... not yet but it is early. Then came home and sat in the garden shed, snoozing, reading, and just being lazy. Then made cucumber sandwiches, a pot of Earl Grey, and finished off the chocolate cake.

Then I couldn't help myself, I had to get into a bit more of my neglected veg patch. It is full of bindweed, and much as I was enjoying the few hours reading my delicious book, I kept having the sneaky suspicion the bindweed roots were growing like some subterranian monster triffid from the patch that I havent yet dug, into the patch that has not shown a snitch of bindweed since I dug it out a few weeks back.

Himself had gone in to watch cricket by this time, so I decided that I would ask God to help me clear a bit more of this ground. Well.
I did ask the last time I got digging, and got a lot of help, and very effective help. I haven't seen any bindweed in that bit.

I managed to dig about 3 foot down with the garden fork and then trowel through on this bit. It's like a whole different ball game.

I like digging it through with the trowel as there are so many lovely fat worms in the ground, and I can bury them back in the loose earth as I go, but these roots... Then I heard God say 'You did ask'!

Of course, I asked if God would help me dig out all the problems in my life along with the bindweed roots! Bindweed roots in the previous patch were just bindweed roots. These are the mother of all bindweed roots. I decided to stop after an hour. I am going to ring fence this bit by putting down another barrier. Anything that grows up through the surface will get my yet to be tried out method of dealing with the evidence. I am going to train the bindweed up through a hole in a fizzy drink bottle on a bit of bamboo twig. Then I am going to spray inside the bottle with Glyphosphate, so it doesn't go everywhere else!

However I had a very informative hour with God looking over my shoulder telling me where to dig to find the roots. It reminded me a bit of how my Dad used to draw a circle in the sand when we were children at the beach. He would say, if you dig here, you will find treasure, and we did. I am sure now that he put the money in the sand for us to find, but not always!

Well these bindweed roots have a whole book to themselves! First off I have had the sneaky suspicion that when God said he cursed the Earth to make it difficult to grow crops in the Cain and Abel story, it was an introduction of bindweed. It was probably already there, but it became much more invasive, and difficult to deal with.

Then there were the different depths that the roots were laying in, like arteries, or a nervous system. Not to mention the yet to be classified mushrooms that were growing under the grass, they look like giant shitake. They look gorgeous, but as always until I can get a definitive classification I won't eat them.

Anyway the bindweed roots lived at three levels, so I thought, until I happened to get into the very yellowish clay subsoil, then they became about half inch thick and I gave up! It made me think of the different levels of consciousness I am aware of, and what happens in each level of my awareness.

When I got into the Clay, and found these huge aortic monster roots, I realised we see all this consciousness stuff the wrong way round. We are simply not in touch with our hard wiring. I had this immediate flash about Abraham being an Urban dweller in Ur, becoming nomadic, and his immediate offspring nomadic, until going into Egypt, where the tribes became urban dwellers again, then the cleaving of the Israelites from the Egyptians, to send them back into a nomadic way of life, until reaching 'The Promised Land'.

There is something very deep in the narrative of the Bible about the tensions between urban dwelling, and nomadic dwelling. About a sense of primordal freedom, or a learned and managed freedom. The Bible is the story of civilisation of our base instincs yes, but so much more. Like my roots I accidentally found lived below the subsoil. There is a sub narrative just beyond my ability to grasp right now that feels elusive and has got my attention.

Something God want's to tell me, because I feel it, but can't put it into words. How exciting... might need to dig up more roots!

Sweet dreams everybody.