However I am a self confessed troll. I need to limit my posts. I like to keep up with daily news but do get addicted. This is a good time to tackle this addiction.
However I ended up making a couple of comments last night. After the first one I definitely felt a small but discernible cuff round my right ear from my guardian Angel. I still ended up making a couple more posts.
The truth is I had too much wine. I decided to have a glass at 5pm. An hour earlier than my usual evening 250ml. This should last me the whole evening. I ended up drinking about four glasses, by which time my self control was out of the window.
Anyway, this left me with a hangover this morning, and a conversation with Big G about my drinking habits. Due to bad behaviour I am now limited to one small glass of wine per evening! That will teach me!
The cuff round the ear was interesting, something like a cross between a breeze and mentally the sensation I was biffed on the ear. There wasn’t another one though. I realised this morning that when God ticks me off, He is only going to do it once. If I don’t co-operate it’s up to me to suffer the consequences. I felt disappointed with myself really, and found the cuff round the ear both amusing and quite startling. I like having God as a Parent figure. It’s good to feel admonished.
Its interesting how there is a couple of reports that heavily processed food is bad for us. I have never liked processed foods much. I can always taste plastic if things are warmed up in plastic trays. I don’t use a microwave. I think it must be 20 years I haven’t used one. Plastic dishes in the microwave used to make food taste awful
The other issue for me is the additives, preservatives and sugar. All of them affect my metabolism badly and also affect my mood. The last thing I need is a cocktail of stuff that sends me high, or clinically depressed. Aspartamine is the worst. Try finding toothpaste without fluoride, sodium laurel sulphate or sweetness in it. I can’t clean my teeth with normal toothpaste without gagging, and spending ages rinsing my mouth.
I found a good toothpaste made with Aloe Vera at Holland and Barrett. It costs over £4 but it is nice to use. I only use a pea size of that, so I think I’m worth it! I buy our seed there as well, so stock up on healthy stuff. The seeds go in the bread. The new one I tried are hemp seeds. More minerals and vitamins, and a nice sort of popping texture.
Another thing I can’t cope with is perfumed products. These make me feel sick, and suffer asthma for hours after. I just saw a recipe for bath cleaner using salt and borax. I clean most things with the actual chemicals. Soda crystals, Vinegar, Ammonia, Salt, Bicarbonate of Soda Lemon Juice. I try to limit exposure to shop bought perfumed products. I also steam things like the floor, and bathroom tiles and then just polish them off.
My problems are increasing. We bought the Mitsubishi PHEV as I am also increasingly sensitive to petrol and diesel fumes. We went into town yesterday and got caught in traffic. I had to have the windows up and turn the heating off as I could taste fumes, and was starting to cough and wheeze. It was a shame because it was so sunny.
I get a terrible face rash if anyone comes near me wearing aftershave or perfume, let alone choking. It lasts a few hours burning and tingling. That’s just standing near someone with a lot of smelly stuff on.
We went to the Opera House to watch a live stream of Twelfth Night on Valentines evening. It was a great production and we loved it. I sat down, only to find the lady next to me had just put perfume on. I spent the first half hour stifling coughing and choking. Thankfully it wore off.
I suppose this is why I am becoming increasingly insular. I can’t walk down a road where there is traffic. Get close to people in case they are wearing perfume, and I don’t eat cake, so I don’t really think of going for a cuppa with anyone, as I don’t want to order food. I have to know what I am eating.
I don’t think I am allergic to good food. Just some unnecessary ingredients. I have always eaten butter as I couldn’t stand the tase of the alternatives. I wouldn’t eat sandwiches as a child with margarine on them. I made mine without any butter or margarine. I am very blessed to live on an Island that produces the most gorgeous yellow butter form beautiful Jersey Cows.
I still smoke, although I noticed my packet of tobacco lasted two days longer this week. My breathing is definitely better since stopping the medication. Both Depakote and Olanzapine list breathing difficulties as side effects. I just generally feel better. People tell me I look better too. I am losing the weight I put on taking Depakote.
I think it is gradually detoxing out of my system. I am getting detox symptoms. Rather like if I stop taking caffeine. Not all the time, but every few days I notice it. I suppose this will go on for a while, I have been taking it for about 20 years. My Husband says I am good at the moment.
I do feel calmer. More sort if integrated with myself. Certainly not as short tempered. That is also a side effect! The muscle stiffness is going. I still have a lot of neck pain, and I notice I am ‘holding my left shoulder higher in a sort of tense hunch. I consciously try to relax it. The swelling at the back of my neck around my vertebrae is decreasing. I have just started sleeping better.
I would go back on the Meds the moment I thought I was becoming psychotic. That’s a slight sense of paranoia, as though I am actually being filmed doing stupid things that are so ridiculous they should be on you’ve been framed. A sense of things no longer being coincidental. As though there is a sub narrative going on in reality. The next stage is going high, and left unchecked I would end up needing to admit myself to hospital.
This is a new phase in my journey with Bi-Polar disorder. There are some great things about having it.
I remember having a discussion with one psychiatrist who said I was undoubtedly creative, and would be if I didn’t have Bi-Polar. I disagree. It’s like saying you can have a rainbow without rain. It has to be raining somewhere to see one. People like me might need a bit more tolerance from other people. I am pretty direct. I think once people get to know me, and I get to feel comfortable with them things go well.
My Husband and I started playing Pétanque a few years ago. We played a Melee with our parish team this morning. It was a joy to spend a couple of hours playing with the team just for fun. A beautiful sunny day and very warm.
We had a mug of soup after, and someone made bread, someone else made cake. Someone else brought chocolate bars. The soup was very good. Bread was nice. A Co-Op pack of pumpkin and sunflower seed I think, just chuck it in the bread maker with the water. It was a very fine crumb though. Good for sandwiches.
I got a rash from aftershave. You customarily kiss each other on the cheeks after the game. I will ask for a hands up who has perfume or aftershave on next month. I still have a red face ten hours later!