Well I am quite different. This new medication Aripriprazole has settled me down quite a bit. The Psychiatrist says if I keep taking the tablets I should not relapse. I am happy to take them. It was just until now, so I suppose about three months for any slight side effects to wear off, and for me to consider this is now the 'new normal' for me. Boringly normal to be honest. I am even not interested in smoking as much, although I am not actually planning to give it up.
I don't even seem addicted to the news. I scan the headlines and it all looks more of the same political propaganda. Another awful Tsunami with many lives lost in Indonesia. Another tragic loss of life and loss of family and friends. I hope they find everyone. We all need miracles.
Perhaps its prudent to build proper sea defenses for these towns now that these storms and Tsunami events seem to be getting bigger and more ferocious. I wonder how plastic reclamed from the sea could be used to build sea defences. If it doesnt rot in seawater and makes building matereals it must be possible to build sea defences from it.
I did a painting yesterday. The first time I have got paint on a canvass for many years. I woke at three am, finding that I was actually sort of frightened of being normal. I have never been normal before. A sort of bored, slightly indifferent, not bothered sort of pervasive stupour seems to be how I would describe myself. I am not into social media, television, food, and generally everything. Even found it difficult to get on here and say thanks to the well wishers and prayerful people for my dog.
I did this painting in response to the fear of being normal. I will photograph it later and put it on here. Sort of building blocks and feathery wispy thoughts. Fleeting moments of memories. It is a huge thing to find I am not chatting to God most of the day. I did say I needed a rest though. You have to up your game a lot when talking to God, on a whole different level. I did say I wanted to be ordinary, and normal. So this is another prayer request answered. I realy don't know what life will be like without chatting to Big G all the time.
I don't feel lonely. Just that I need to do something useful to give my life a bit more shape. A job sounds inconvenient though, so I must look for ways to make myself useful, now that I could probably be useful!
I am not sure how different I am at the moment. It's a whole new territory. I am having trouble working out whats missing. Except there isnt anything missing. I think I am more content, happier in myself. Just wierd sleep patterns for the moment.
I have the suspicion it is going to be a cold hard winter though, and oil prices are going through the roof because of the Iran sanctions. Stock up on thermal underwear everyone!