I feel a lot better than I have done for months. I feel like getting myself more organised, but not sure exactly what I want to start with. The Garden needs a lot of tidying up. My spare room is a mess, My Attelier, (posh french word for a studio) looks like a bomb hit it. The house is generally untidy as we tend to have too much stuff lying about. I want to clear out a lot of stuff I don't use and sell it at car boot sales. I also want to do some more dressmaking. A list of priorities would be a good thing.
The clearing up and sorting out stuff to go and car boot with seems a good idea. Also to check when the car boot sales are on. At least it will get me doing something. I see the psychiatrist on the 15th Jan, so by then I may get a reduction in the extra medication I am taking an be able to drive again.
I read Reb Jeff's blogs through since before Christmas. I realy enjoy them, it's interesting and soul serching hearing how the same scriptures are translated to current meaning from a Jewish perspective. I like them all. However I think the recent one about the beginning of Exodus is very relevent to me. I do live within a small world, where structure around me is very important.
Thinking about the desire to extend the bounderies beyond the four walls, ceiling and floor of my personal 'exile' during an episode of mania is a good metaphor. Learning not to bounce off the walls of self limitations is one of the hardest lessons. Yes it's a chemical straight jacket, however a very needed 'shutdown' solution to going off on one.
During a manic phase all my bounderies become blurred, and I feel like there are no 'walls'. There is nothing to contain me. I lose my sense of identity and feel like I am everywhere all at once, and nowhere in particular. Outside of time and mostly outside what we understand as 'Space' out there beyond our atmosphere. I feel as though I am looking at the world from a long way off, and kind of see it spinning within the context of our solar system. I feel part of this bigger picture, but unable to ground myself within the four walls of my 'house'.
Thank goodness for those drugs! It usually takes about three months for everything to settle down to a balanced sense of my own personality. I come out with all sorts of wierd things, and seem to just 'feel' the answers and questions of the ultimate meaning of things are woven together in a kind of intricate pattern. Like the curtains Bezalel made for the Tabernacle. The weaving on one side different to the other, yet forming the pattern on both sides. What a clever way of describing such knowledge.
I think I have 'leveled out'. I don't feel that connection any more. It is unsustainable anyway. Like being on an endless rollercoaster ride, that you can't get off until the ride ends and you get to stagger out of the seat and try to walk properly again!
I am still very curious to find out how all the OWS type demonstrations are going. The main media do not cover demonstrations, and what is happening on the ground with real people who are protesting at the corruption the world has engineered to strip the working man and woman of their standard of living. They just show footage of riots that could be happening anywhere and then put their spin on the subject. We all have to get the world fairer for everyone. This means real jobs again, and no ripping off the working people who are not lawyers bankers and stockbrokers skimming every last morsel from the mouths of people, and crashing the pension funds, national currencies, and ripping off small countries who are struggling through unpayable debts, and assaulted by unscrupulous vulture fund activities.
There is definately enough of everything to go round for everybody. We need intellegent investment into renewable energy derivatives, so the price of oil going up is a good thing in the long term. It will mean investors might switch to doing something useful with their money instead of 'playing' the stock exchanges. Civil projects and maintainance of civil engineering would create lots of work. We do need large construction works and investment all over the world. However not at the expense of green belt areas! I just wish there was more joined up thinking on a global level to sort out the whole mess the 20th century has caused.
The clearing up and sorting out stuff to go and car boot with seems a good idea. Also to check when the car boot sales are on. At least it will get me doing something. I see the psychiatrist on the 15th Jan, so by then I may get a reduction in the extra medication I am taking an be able to drive again.
I read Reb Jeff's blogs through since before Christmas. I realy enjoy them, it's interesting and soul serching hearing how the same scriptures are translated to current meaning from a Jewish perspective. I like them all. However I think the recent one about the beginning of Exodus is very relevent to me. I do live within a small world, where structure around me is very important.
Thinking about the desire to extend the bounderies beyond the four walls, ceiling and floor of my personal 'exile' during an episode of mania is a good metaphor. Learning not to bounce off the walls of self limitations is one of the hardest lessons. Yes it's a chemical straight jacket, however a very needed 'shutdown' solution to going off on one.
During a manic phase all my bounderies become blurred, and I feel like there are no 'walls'. There is nothing to contain me. I lose my sense of identity and feel like I am everywhere all at once, and nowhere in particular. Outside of time and mostly outside what we understand as 'Space' out there beyond our atmosphere. I feel as though I am looking at the world from a long way off, and kind of see it spinning within the context of our solar system. I feel part of this bigger picture, but unable to ground myself within the four walls of my 'house'.
Thank goodness for those drugs! It usually takes about three months for everything to settle down to a balanced sense of my own personality. I come out with all sorts of wierd things, and seem to just 'feel' the answers and questions of the ultimate meaning of things are woven together in a kind of intricate pattern. Like the curtains Bezalel made for the Tabernacle. The weaving on one side different to the other, yet forming the pattern on both sides. What a clever way of describing such knowledge.
I think I have 'leveled out'. I don't feel that connection any more. It is unsustainable anyway. Like being on an endless rollercoaster ride, that you can't get off until the ride ends and you get to stagger out of the seat and try to walk properly again!
I am still very curious to find out how all the OWS type demonstrations are going. The main media do not cover demonstrations, and what is happening on the ground with real people who are protesting at the corruption the world has engineered to strip the working man and woman of their standard of living. They just show footage of riots that could be happening anywhere and then put their spin on the subject. We all have to get the world fairer for everyone. This means real jobs again, and no ripping off the working people who are not lawyers bankers and stockbrokers skimming every last morsel from the mouths of people, and crashing the pension funds, national currencies, and ripping off small countries who are struggling through unpayable debts, and assaulted by unscrupulous vulture fund activities.
There is definately enough of everything to go round for everybody. We need intellegent investment into renewable energy derivatives, so the price of oil going up is a good thing in the long term. It will mean investors might switch to doing something useful with their money instead of 'playing' the stock exchanges. Civil projects and maintainance of civil engineering would create lots of work. We do need large construction works and investment all over the world. However not at the expense of green belt areas! I just wish there was more joined up thinking on a global level to sort out the whole mess the 20th century has caused.
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