This is a bit of 'nonsense' I made up from various Fairy Tales a couple of years ago.
Its probably like the 'Magic Roundabout' ! There are no pictures, but I am sure given some crayons and some scrap paper the kids will illustrate this for themselves!
The Naked Country!
The Story of ‘The King who
wore no clothes’!
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away there lived a king who loved new clothes. He spent a fortune on his wardrobe, and employed the very best tailors, fabric and fashion designers to make him a new set of clothes every day. He loved all his finery, and he expected all his courtiers and subjects to wear their very best clothes all the time. He put in prison anyone who didn’t meet his fashion approval, and had his very own fashion police scouring the country for scruffy out of fashion delinquents.
The king had a special rehabilitation program for these misfits. He sent them to clinics where they could have plastic surgery, liposuction, botox, and fashion makeovers. They were taught how to dress fashionably and expensively, apply fabulous make-up and style their hair like professionals. Some of these people were successfully re-habilitated into the fashion kingdom society, but most never got better. Quite a lot of these fashion delinquents never got better, which was a problem because it didn’t look good.
Only the best dressed people who were beautiful were allowed to get jobs. They didn’t have to be good at their job, just look good doing it. It was also important for getting on in this society to have an expensive designer house, and eat expensive designer food. Most people couldn’t make their food expensive and fashionable enough, so they went out for meals, or shopped at exclusive ready made meal supermarkets.
One day two conmen from a nearby country came up with a great scam. They decided to visit the fashion kingdom, and get an audience with the king, posing as fashion designers.
They reasoned that as the king was so vain, and everyone around him was so frightened of displeasing the king and suffering public opinion turning against them, they had a great opportunity to get away with a massive fraud.
They came up with a great new label to call their fashion designs, and bought some expensive coat hangers and clothing carriers from the fashion kingdom’s most exclusive and expensive designer department store. They arrived for their audience with the king, and it just so happened this was a public audience day.
All the kings most fashionable courtiers were there, and so were the judges and politicians, the chief of the fashion police, and the king’s top designers and tailors and stylists. The two conmen winked at each other, this was going to be the best scam they had ever pulled off.
The queen, his second wife and her two gorgeous teenage daughters were also in attendance. The king had been infatuated with her since she first threw her spell over him. He did everything he could to please her.
There was a third ugly daughter who had mental illness; she was called ‘Snow white’. She was not allowed to attend public audiences, and her name was never mentioned. She spent most of her time with her tutors, who were seven ugly dwarfs and kept the kings daughter amused with pointless subjects like political history and spiritual studies.
The king amused his ugly daughter with books, and education. He knew it was pointless trying to make her beautiful, so he thought he ought to indulge her strange desire to learn things. At least it kept her out of the public gaze.
The king had a special wing built behind his castle for her. He called it the asylum because it sounded nice. However it just meant that he could give his ugly daughter all the plastic surgery and beauty treatments she needed, so that one day she might be able to be allowed into society. The awful problem for the king, and everyone who knew the secret of his ugly daughter, was that she didn’t want to be made beautiful. She kept saying awful things like ‘I’m happy the way I am’, ‘I like the way I look’.
The perfect scam!
This was the very special monthly court meeting that only the most gorgeous and privileged of the king’s subjects could attend. They were people with the fittest and best toned bodies. They were all-over-tanned-people who had every part of their bodies waxed and wore underwear for decoration, or even more fashionably, they didn’t need to wear underwear at all, just like the king and queen and her two beautiful daughters.
At this meeting all the designers and, top chefs, showed what new things they had designed since the last month’s meeting. It was very important that the judges, politicians and fashion police liked the new designs, or the designers and chef’s were not allowed to come to the next months meeting, and new more talented designers and chefs were chosen to replace them.
At the end of this court session the judges decided what the best new fashions, and recipes the designers and chefs had made.
This court session was televised program which the king’s subjects were considered unfashionable if they didn’t watch. A brochure was produced after the program and hit the shelves on the brochure stands the very next day. The fashion police then went into action scouring the country for people who hadn’t bought some of the new things the designers had produced and put in brochure, telling them where they could order the most fashionable designs from exclusive shops or internet sites. All designs had a percentage of Value Added Tax added to every new gorgeous item. This was a very fashionable Tax, because it could be changed to moderate the weather.
This special tax was very exclusive. It was the most fashionable tax ever, because it could be changed very easily.
If the people hadn’t bought anything new they were charged a fine on the money they had left over, it was called accrued capital tax, because it sounded nice.
It was essential that everyone in the kingdom spent their money on the new fashions, or there wouldn’t be any taxes collected to pay for all the people who needed plastic surgery and botox. There wouldn’t be any money to fund the special academies needed to educate people in how to style their hair and wear gorgeous make-up so they could get a job. The taxes were also required to pay for the king’s clothes and lifestyle, so he could show everyone what to wear, and eat and how to redesign their houses every month.
Our two conmen were in their element, they asked to be the very last designers to show the king their new designs that day, because they wanted everyone else to show off what they had designed first, so that theirs would be the very latest fashion to be seen that day.
Finally their turn came to show off their latest designs. They wrote their press release very carefully, and asked the master of ceremonies to introduce them exactly as they had prepared, to the court. The master of ceremonies introduced them like this;
‘Here are Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett from our neighboring kingdom of Rip-em-off, they are here to show us their new designer label called ‘Dunce’. These are wonderful expensive materials, and gorgeous designs that are so sublime only the most discerning and fashion conscious people will be able to see them. Even their designer label is so sublime it can only just be discerned. Please welcome our two most promising new designers to our monthly magazine audience.
The king and queen and his two beautiful daughters were intrigued, how wonderful that something so sublime was only going to be discernable to the most beautiful and fashion conscious in the kingdom. This would seal their status forever as the most ‘desirable to be copied’ rulers to have ever sat on the thrones of ‘self aggrandizement’ in the ‘hall of desirability’. What a ‘coup de gras’. There could be no counterfeiting of designer goods. No stealing of ideas, and huge amounts of tax to be levied on such desirable designs. The Royal family looked at each other, and knew this was going to be a very special set of designs.
Our two conmen brought out their gorgeous luggage, their expensive clothes carriers and set them in front of the king. This was the most desirable luggage in the land; these designers definitely had the right credentials. They were immaculately groomed, and had the most expensive suits of the latest design, made by the kings own tailor. They nearly upstaged the king, but not quite.
They opened their gorgeous luggage and expensive clothes carriers and held up their beautiful latest design clothes hangers. There was a hushed silence in the great hall of desirability; you could have heard a platinum pin drop.
They showed the King and the Royal Family design after glorious design. Notice the hand wrought buttons, feel the hand woven cashmere, experience the sublime colors infusing the air with elegance.
Everyone was enthralled. The king said ‘how wonderful these designs are, what ethereal colors, what evanescent fabric, what a masterpiece every element of the collection is’.
The King continued. ‘What a success, how fortunate that Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett had come to grace the hall of desirability from the neighboring kingdom of Rip-em-off’. The King swept his arm majestically wide, and announced that he was engaging Scammitt and Raquett to court designers immediately, and that the whole kingdom must wear the new ‘Dunce’ brand.
The two conmen bowed very low, and then Monsieur Scammitt asked the king if he would be happy to allow ‘Dunce’ to use the gorgeous luggage and beautiful hangers to display their new designs, because they were the very best designs they had found and complimented their designs so well.
The king said how wonderful it was that his new court designers were so generous to allow designers from the fashion kingdom to collaborate with them. They also asked if the king would agree that it was prudent to help his subjects to truly appreciate their new concept designs that a small design label and embossed concept card be given with their design, and a discreet price tag. It would have to be the most discreet price tag, because such expensive and desirable designs should not be thought of in monetary terms, they were works of art. The king agreed, he thought this was a very good way to refine the tastes of his subjects.
The next day all the brochures were full of Scammitt and Raquett’s designs, their concept was everywhere, and within a day everyone had rushed out to buy a new wardrobe of designs. (No one could admit they couldn’t see a stitch on each other). Everyone had exactly what they wanted, and managed to get exactly the right color. They realized that this clothing was far more versatile than anything they had worn before, it could be mixed and matched, styled up or down, and came in moods to suit every occasion. It was worth every penny. They had never been so popular or had so many compliments, especially the very beautiful fit people who didn’t wear underwear for decoration.
Some people realized that provided you had a good number of these wonderful designs, they miraculously changed color and style to suit their mood, but they never let on to anyone else. Others got very bored with their designs very quickly, and had to buy two or three new ones a day. Very soon even people who were in rehabilitation clinics started to opt for more liposuction and plastic surgery, and they were beginning to make a recovery, all because they wanted to wear these wonderful new designs, and get out meeting the gorgeous fashionistas.
A day later the King visited his ugly daughter in the asylum as was his custom. He arrived quietly as usual, because she was kept in secret. As usual she wore no make-up and had her honey blonde hair long and straight. She wouldn’t even have her hair colored thought the king.
She was wearing the same faded jeans and Aran polo neck sweater he saw her wearing on most of the visits he made. He was heartbroken to see her quietly reading a book that was two thousand years old. She had asked for all the old dusty books from the castle dungeons recently.
His ugly daughter’s face glanced up at him, and her awful peaches and cream complexion turned a ghastly blushing rose color. She dropped her hideous blue eyes to the floor and dropped her book, sending a cloud of dust flying up from her lap.
Saddened and sickened by her clumsiness the King asked her what had made her look even more ridiculous? She couldn’t even look at him today. He would have to speak with her psychiatrist; she was getting worse not better.
She had trouble speaking now, but he managed to get the drift of her babbling. ‘Daddy you have no clothes on’, and she began to cry.
He decided she was having a worse day than he had seen her in a long time. He said ‘Here my dear, I will leave you this beautiful new gown to try on later’. I am upsetting you, so I will leave now and see you again soon.
When the ugly daughter heard the door close, she looked up, and saw that her father had left a beautiful clothes hanger for her with a new designer label attached, it had an embossed card too, which she read out loud.
‘This item of superb concept design has been personally made for you. It is unbearably expensive, hand-made from the finest materials and will suit you perfectly. It is exactly the color you want in the most gorgeous style you can imagine, to suit exactly the occasion you are choosing it for. You can use this design with pride because it is unique, and no-one else will have anything like it. If you feel unable to use this design, why not choose something from our ready to wear label, ‘knockoff’ that is produced so you can use designs similar to your favorite style icons’.
The ugly princess turned over the embossed card, feeling its silky texture and noticing its pearlised effect, and saw a further line of small print that she had to screw up her blue eyes, and peer through her awkwardly long blonde eyelashes to read.
‘This gorgeous item is non refundable once it has been used’.
She took a deep breath, and let it out very slowly. Her Father was such a kind man. He protected her from being seen by people who threw up every time they saw her. He gave her everything she wanted to study, and provided her with the best tutors, who loved her dearly.
The seven dwarves allowed her to satisfy her cravings for baked beans on toast, and jacket potatoes with huge slabs of butter melting on them. They allowed her to choose her own clothes, and leave her hair natural. She knew she would never be able to be seen by anyone but her seven ugly dwarves and her Father. Her stepmother loathed her and never wanted to see her, because her skin was so delicate it wouldn’t tan, and she was allergic to cosmetics and fake bake.
Her Father loved her for sure, but she couldn’t understand him. He did the strangest things that made no sense to her. She loved the coat hanger because he had bought it for her.
She took it to her wardrobe and decided to leave the door open so she could see the beautiful coat hanger. She already had all the clothes she could possibly want, and would have to wait until something was worn out before she would ask her Father to have another one made exactly like her favorite. She didn’t like to ask really because she knew it made him so unhappy to see her wearing the same unfashionable clothes all the time, but this is how she liked her things to be.
She knew she was very sick, and she was so sorry that she couldn’t be what her Father wanted her to be. A single tear trickled down her cheek to her delicately sculpted lips. It had been ten years since her mother had died and she had refused to be given the lip fillers the new Queen had insisted she needed. She still felt that she couldn’t go through with permanently altering the face that her childhood sweetheart told her he would love all his life.
Suddenly the ugly girl was gripped by one of her convulsions. She started making an awful noise and had to grip herself around the ribs to stop them hurting. Her knees became weak and she sank to the floor where she started to squirm and roll about. She felt herself lose control and wet herself. Three of the seven ugly dwarves rushed in to sit on her so she wouldn’t hurt herself.
When she saw them she suddenly stopped having the fit, and managed to compose herself again, although she could feel her sides aching, and she was still howling and rolling on the floor in her mind. She drew herself up, and said ‘I am fine. I don’t need you Grumpy, Weepy and Dopey today. Please be so kind, as to request My Father visit me tomorrow. She went and had a shower and changed her jeans and comfortable underwear.
When her Father heard that his ugly daughter had requested an audience, he was overjoyed. This meant that she would ask him for some new item of fashion perhaps?
When he arrived at the asylum the next day he found his ugly daughter quite composed. She asked him to sit in his chair by the only mirror that was in the luxury apartment, and she sat dutifully behind her modesty screen’ so that the King couldn’t see how ugly she was.
The King invited her to make her request and so she began to speak in her most controlled tone, which pleased the King greatly. ‘Father’ she began, ‘I adore the new gown you brought to me yesterday, it’s the most wonderful design I have ever seen’.
She continued; ‘Dearest Father, may I have a complete wardrobe of these sublime evanescent barely discernable ‘Dunce’ designs made for me?’ The King was overjoyed finally perhaps she had come to her senses.
‘My King’, she continued, ‘I have a further request, perhaps you would ask Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett to design an exclusive range of make-up and body care for me. I would also like them to design a completely new tone of tan that will suit my complexion perfectly, I would like this new design to be called 'camouflage’.
The King could barely contain himself, had his daughter made a complete recovery? He could barely dare to hope. ‘Finally my generous Father, I would love to have a new and microscopic range of underwear made and I would like it to be called ‘revelation’’.
The King was stunned and relieved. He realized his Daughter had made a complete recovery. He asked her, ‘My dearest child, perhaps you may also like me to arrange for you to be moved to the palace as well?’ She replied ‘Perhaps in time Father, but for now I would like to stay here in the asylum wing, I have grown used to it and feel it is safe and comforting, but when I am ready I would like to visit the kingdom occasionally’.
Her Father was so heartened by this miraculous recovery his daughter had made, and longed for her to be part of society again. He said, ‘This asylum is no longer needed, so we shall change its name by Royal decree to ‘Private Clinic’, which sounds much nicer’.
‘Father’ she said, ‘I have one final request. Now that I have come to my senses, I would like you to arrange the marriage between Prince Charming and myself. He was my childhood sweetheart, and will soon be King of our neighboring Kingdom of ‘Rip-em-off’.
The King was overjoyed. He felt he had done the very best for his daughter during her lengthy adolescence, and he left to carry out her wishes to the word. The wedding to Prince Charming was held in the Great Hall of Aggrandizement, and the newly wed Royal couple left on their honeymoon to the Land of ‘Happy ever After’, where Prince Charming told her all about the rescue plan that he and his alter ego ‘The ugly frog’ thought up, using their aliases as Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett.
They decorated their council flat with antiques that they bought on E-bay from the Fashion Kingdom (like everyone else who lived in Rip-em-off).
When Prince Charming became King Charming the third, he abolished government democracy and turned the kingdom back into a monarchy. The King and Queen founded a Dynasty that lasted a thousand years.
Sadly the whole population of the ‘Fashion Kingdom’ died of pneumonia the following winter. It was a new fashion of infection called ‘Swine Flue’ that was described as fatal.
Only the seven dwarves survived and they spent the next seven years repopulating the country with refugees from every kingdom in the world who were suffering from adolescence.
The end
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away there lived a king who loved new clothes. He spent a fortune on his wardrobe, and employed the very best tailors, fabric and fashion designers to make him a new set of clothes every day. He loved all his finery, and he expected all his courtiers and subjects to wear their very best clothes all the time. He put in prison anyone who didn’t meet his fashion approval, and had his very own fashion police scouring the country for scruffy out of fashion delinquents.
The king had a special rehabilitation program for these misfits. He sent them to clinics where they could have plastic surgery, liposuction, botox, and fashion makeovers. They were taught how to dress fashionably and expensively, apply fabulous make-up and style their hair like professionals. Some of these people were successfully re-habilitated into the fashion kingdom society, but most never got better. Quite a lot of these fashion delinquents never got better, which was a problem because it didn’t look good.
Only the best dressed people who were beautiful were allowed to get jobs. They didn’t have to be good at their job, just look good doing it. It was also important for getting on in this society to have an expensive designer house, and eat expensive designer food. Most people couldn’t make their food expensive and fashionable enough, so they went out for meals, or shopped at exclusive ready made meal supermarkets.
One day two conmen from a nearby country came up with a great scam. They decided to visit the fashion kingdom, and get an audience with the king, posing as fashion designers.
They reasoned that as the king was so vain, and everyone around him was so frightened of displeasing the king and suffering public opinion turning against them, they had a great opportunity to get away with a massive fraud.
They came up with a great new label to call their fashion designs, and bought some expensive coat hangers and clothing carriers from the fashion kingdom’s most exclusive and expensive designer department store. They arrived for their audience with the king, and it just so happened this was a public audience day.
All the kings most fashionable courtiers were there, and so were the judges and politicians, the chief of the fashion police, and the king’s top designers and tailors and stylists. The two conmen winked at each other, this was going to be the best scam they had ever pulled off.
The queen, his second wife and her two gorgeous teenage daughters were also in attendance. The king had been infatuated with her since she first threw her spell over him. He did everything he could to please her.
There was a third ugly daughter who had mental illness; she was called ‘Snow white’. She was not allowed to attend public audiences, and her name was never mentioned. She spent most of her time with her tutors, who were seven ugly dwarfs and kept the kings daughter amused with pointless subjects like political history and spiritual studies.
The king amused his ugly daughter with books, and education. He knew it was pointless trying to make her beautiful, so he thought he ought to indulge her strange desire to learn things. At least it kept her out of the public gaze.
The king had a special wing built behind his castle for her. He called it the asylum because it sounded nice. However it just meant that he could give his ugly daughter all the plastic surgery and beauty treatments she needed, so that one day she might be able to be allowed into society. The awful problem for the king, and everyone who knew the secret of his ugly daughter, was that she didn’t want to be made beautiful. She kept saying awful things like ‘I’m happy the way I am’, ‘I like the way I look’.
The perfect scam!
This was the very special monthly court meeting that only the most gorgeous and privileged of the king’s subjects could attend. They were people with the fittest and best toned bodies. They were all-over-tanned-people who had every part of their bodies waxed and wore underwear for decoration, or even more fashionably, they didn’t need to wear underwear at all, just like the king and queen and her two beautiful daughters.
At this meeting all the designers and, top chefs, showed what new things they had designed since the last month’s meeting. It was very important that the judges, politicians and fashion police liked the new designs, or the designers and chef’s were not allowed to come to the next months meeting, and new more talented designers and chefs were chosen to replace them.
At the end of this court session the judges decided what the best new fashions, and recipes the designers and chefs had made.
This court session was televised program which the king’s subjects were considered unfashionable if they didn’t watch. A brochure was produced after the program and hit the shelves on the brochure stands the very next day. The fashion police then went into action scouring the country for people who hadn’t bought some of the new things the designers had produced and put in brochure, telling them where they could order the most fashionable designs from exclusive shops or internet sites. All designs had a percentage of Value Added Tax added to every new gorgeous item. This was a very fashionable Tax, because it could be changed to moderate the weather.
This special tax was very exclusive. It was the most fashionable tax ever, because it could be changed very easily.
If the people hadn’t bought anything new they were charged a fine on the money they had left over, it was called accrued capital tax, because it sounded nice.
It was essential that everyone in the kingdom spent their money on the new fashions, or there wouldn’t be any taxes collected to pay for all the people who needed plastic surgery and botox. There wouldn’t be any money to fund the special academies needed to educate people in how to style their hair and wear gorgeous make-up so they could get a job. The taxes were also required to pay for the king’s clothes and lifestyle, so he could show everyone what to wear, and eat and how to redesign their houses every month.
Our two conmen were in their element, they asked to be the very last designers to show the king their new designs that day, because they wanted everyone else to show off what they had designed first, so that theirs would be the very latest fashion to be seen that day.
Finally their turn came to show off their latest designs. They wrote their press release very carefully, and asked the master of ceremonies to introduce them exactly as they had prepared, to the court. The master of ceremonies introduced them like this;
‘Here are Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett from our neighboring kingdom of Rip-em-off, they are here to show us their new designer label called ‘Dunce’. These are wonderful expensive materials, and gorgeous designs that are so sublime only the most discerning and fashion conscious people will be able to see them. Even their designer label is so sublime it can only just be discerned. Please welcome our two most promising new designers to our monthly magazine audience.
The king and queen and his two beautiful daughters were intrigued, how wonderful that something so sublime was only going to be discernable to the most beautiful and fashion conscious in the kingdom. This would seal their status forever as the most ‘desirable to be copied’ rulers to have ever sat on the thrones of ‘self aggrandizement’ in the ‘hall of desirability’. What a ‘coup de gras’. There could be no counterfeiting of designer goods. No stealing of ideas, and huge amounts of tax to be levied on such desirable designs. The Royal family looked at each other, and knew this was going to be a very special set of designs.
Our two conmen brought out their gorgeous luggage, their expensive clothes carriers and set them in front of the king. This was the most desirable luggage in the land; these designers definitely had the right credentials. They were immaculately groomed, and had the most expensive suits of the latest design, made by the kings own tailor. They nearly upstaged the king, but not quite.
They opened their gorgeous luggage and expensive clothes carriers and held up their beautiful latest design clothes hangers. There was a hushed silence in the great hall of desirability; you could have heard a platinum pin drop.
They showed the King and the Royal Family design after glorious design. Notice the hand wrought buttons, feel the hand woven cashmere, experience the sublime colors infusing the air with elegance.
Everyone was enthralled. The king said ‘how wonderful these designs are, what ethereal colors, what evanescent fabric, what a masterpiece every element of the collection is’.
The King continued. ‘What a success, how fortunate that Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett had come to grace the hall of desirability from the neighboring kingdom of Rip-em-off’. The King swept his arm majestically wide, and announced that he was engaging Scammitt and Raquett to court designers immediately, and that the whole kingdom must wear the new ‘Dunce’ brand.
The two conmen bowed very low, and then Monsieur Scammitt asked the king if he would be happy to allow ‘Dunce’ to use the gorgeous luggage and beautiful hangers to display their new designs, because they were the very best designs they had found and complimented their designs so well.
The king said how wonderful it was that his new court designers were so generous to allow designers from the fashion kingdom to collaborate with them. They also asked if the king would agree that it was prudent to help his subjects to truly appreciate their new concept designs that a small design label and embossed concept card be given with their design, and a discreet price tag. It would have to be the most discreet price tag, because such expensive and desirable designs should not be thought of in monetary terms, they were works of art. The king agreed, he thought this was a very good way to refine the tastes of his subjects.
The next day all the brochures were full of Scammitt and Raquett’s designs, their concept was everywhere, and within a day everyone had rushed out to buy a new wardrobe of designs. (No one could admit they couldn’t see a stitch on each other). Everyone had exactly what they wanted, and managed to get exactly the right color. They realized that this clothing was far more versatile than anything they had worn before, it could be mixed and matched, styled up or down, and came in moods to suit every occasion. It was worth every penny. They had never been so popular or had so many compliments, especially the very beautiful fit people who didn’t wear underwear for decoration.
Some people realized that provided you had a good number of these wonderful designs, they miraculously changed color and style to suit their mood, but they never let on to anyone else. Others got very bored with their designs very quickly, and had to buy two or three new ones a day. Very soon even people who were in rehabilitation clinics started to opt for more liposuction and plastic surgery, and they were beginning to make a recovery, all because they wanted to wear these wonderful new designs, and get out meeting the gorgeous fashionistas.
A day later the King visited his ugly daughter in the asylum as was his custom. He arrived quietly as usual, because she was kept in secret. As usual she wore no make-up and had her honey blonde hair long and straight. She wouldn’t even have her hair colored thought the king.
She was wearing the same faded jeans and Aran polo neck sweater he saw her wearing on most of the visits he made. He was heartbroken to see her quietly reading a book that was two thousand years old. She had asked for all the old dusty books from the castle dungeons recently.
His ugly daughter’s face glanced up at him, and her awful peaches and cream complexion turned a ghastly blushing rose color. She dropped her hideous blue eyes to the floor and dropped her book, sending a cloud of dust flying up from her lap.
Saddened and sickened by her clumsiness the King asked her what had made her look even more ridiculous? She couldn’t even look at him today. He would have to speak with her psychiatrist; she was getting worse not better.
She had trouble speaking now, but he managed to get the drift of her babbling. ‘Daddy you have no clothes on’, and she began to cry.
He decided she was having a worse day than he had seen her in a long time. He said ‘Here my dear, I will leave you this beautiful new gown to try on later’. I am upsetting you, so I will leave now and see you again soon.
When the ugly daughter heard the door close, she looked up, and saw that her father had left a beautiful clothes hanger for her with a new designer label attached, it had an embossed card too, which she read out loud.
‘This item of superb concept design has been personally made for you. It is unbearably expensive, hand-made from the finest materials and will suit you perfectly. It is exactly the color you want in the most gorgeous style you can imagine, to suit exactly the occasion you are choosing it for. You can use this design with pride because it is unique, and no-one else will have anything like it. If you feel unable to use this design, why not choose something from our ready to wear label, ‘knockoff’ that is produced so you can use designs similar to your favorite style icons’.
The ugly princess turned over the embossed card, feeling its silky texture and noticing its pearlised effect, and saw a further line of small print that she had to screw up her blue eyes, and peer through her awkwardly long blonde eyelashes to read.
‘This gorgeous item is non refundable once it has been used’.
She took a deep breath, and let it out very slowly. Her Father was such a kind man. He protected her from being seen by people who threw up every time they saw her. He gave her everything she wanted to study, and provided her with the best tutors, who loved her dearly.
The seven dwarves allowed her to satisfy her cravings for baked beans on toast, and jacket potatoes with huge slabs of butter melting on them. They allowed her to choose her own clothes, and leave her hair natural. She knew she would never be able to be seen by anyone but her seven ugly dwarves and her Father. Her stepmother loathed her and never wanted to see her, because her skin was so delicate it wouldn’t tan, and she was allergic to cosmetics and fake bake.
Her Father loved her for sure, but she couldn’t understand him. He did the strangest things that made no sense to her. She loved the coat hanger because he had bought it for her.
She took it to her wardrobe and decided to leave the door open so she could see the beautiful coat hanger. She already had all the clothes she could possibly want, and would have to wait until something was worn out before she would ask her Father to have another one made exactly like her favorite. She didn’t like to ask really because she knew it made him so unhappy to see her wearing the same unfashionable clothes all the time, but this is how she liked her things to be.
She knew she was very sick, and she was so sorry that she couldn’t be what her Father wanted her to be. A single tear trickled down her cheek to her delicately sculpted lips. It had been ten years since her mother had died and she had refused to be given the lip fillers the new Queen had insisted she needed. She still felt that she couldn’t go through with permanently altering the face that her childhood sweetheart told her he would love all his life.
Suddenly the ugly girl was gripped by one of her convulsions. She started making an awful noise and had to grip herself around the ribs to stop them hurting. Her knees became weak and she sank to the floor where she started to squirm and roll about. She felt herself lose control and wet herself. Three of the seven ugly dwarves rushed in to sit on her so she wouldn’t hurt herself.
When she saw them she suddenly stopped having the fit, and managed to compose herself again, although she could feel her sides aching, and she was still howling and rolling on the floor in her mind. She drew herself up, and said ‘I am fine. I don’t need you Grumpy, Weepy and Dopey today. Please be so kind, as to request My Father visit me tomorrow. She went and had a shower and changed her jeans and comfortable underwear.
When her Father heard that his ugly daughter had requested an audience, he was overjoyed. This meant that she would ask him for some new item of fashion perhaps?
When he arrived at the asylum the next day he found his ugly daughter quite composed. She asked him to sit in his chair by the only mirror that was in the luxury apartment, and she sat dutifully behind her modesty screen’ so that the King couldn’t see how ugly she was.
The King invited her to make her request and so she began to speak in her most controlled tone, which pleased the King greatly. ‘Father’ she began, ‘I adore the new gown you brought to me yesterday, it’s the most wonderful design I have ever seen’.
She continued; ‘Dearest Father, may I have a complete wardrobe of these sublime evanescent barely discernable ‘Dunce’ designs made for me?’ The King was overjoyed finally perhaps she had come to her senses.
‘My King’, she continued, ‘I have a further request, perhaps you would ask Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett to design an exclusive range of make-up and body care for me. I would also like them to design a completely new tone of tan that will suit my complexion perfectly, I would like this new design to be called 'camouflage’.
The King could barely contain himself, had his daughter made a complete recovery? He could barely dare to hope. ‘Finally my generous Father, I would love to have a new and microscopic range of underwear made and I would like it to be called ‘revelation’’.
The King was stunned and relieved. He realized his Daughter had made a complete recovery. He asked her, ‘My dearest child, perhaps you may also like me to arrange for you to be moved to the palace as well?’ She replied ‘Perhaps in time Father, but for now I would like to stay here in the asylum wing, I have grown used to it and feel it is safe and comforting, but when I am ready I would like to visit the kingdom occasionally’.
Her Father was so heartened by this miraculous recovery his daughter had made, and longed for her to be part of society again. He said, ‘This asylum is no longer needed, so we shall change its name by Royal decree to ‘Private Clinic’, which sounds much nicer’.
‘Father’ she said, ‘I have one final request. Now that I have come to my senses, I would like you to arrange the marriage between Prince Charming and myself. He was my childhood sweetheart, and will soon be King of our neighboring Kingdom of ‘Rip-em-off’.
The King was overjoyed. He felt he had done the very best for his daughter during her lengthy adolescence, and he left to carry out her wishes to the word. The wedding to Prince Charming was held in the Great Hall of Aggrandizement, and the newly wed Royal couple left on their honeymoon to the Land of ‘Happy ever After’, where Prince Charming told her all about the rescue plan that he and his alter ego ‘The ugly frog’ thought up, using their aliases as Monsieur Scammitt and Monsieur Raquett.
They decorated their council flat with antiques that they bought on E-bay from the Fashion Kingdom (like everyone else who lived in Rip-em-off).
When Prince Charming became King Charming the third, he abolished government democracy and turned the kingdom back into a monarchy. The King and Queen founded a Dynasty that lasted a thousand years.
Sadly the whole population of the ‘Fashion Kingdom’ died of pneumonia the following winter. It was a new fashion of infection called ‘Swine Flue’ that was described as fatal.
Only the seven dwarves survived and they spent the next seven years repopulating the country with refugees from every kingdom in the world who were suffering from adolescence.
The end